It's Hard To Have To Save Someone You Hate
by Akariiiin
Summary: Because even rabbits can die of loneliness. A short story about how Alice finally breaks, curious and hurt on why Gil is always insulting her and cruel to her, and if there's a different meaning behind his words or not. Alice x Gil.
1. Chapter 1: The Way She Feels

**Hi. c: This is my first Pandora Hearts fanfiction. And it's... Gil x Alice. :D I don't know why but, I always have a thing for the couples that aren't like, the main one in the anime or "forbidden" (lulz I sound like I'm from the Medieval Ages) like Lucy x Kouta, Amu x Ikuto, Takashi x Saeko, Makato x Setsuna (If you wanna know what animes those examples are from, PM me.) So yeah. I got this idea a few days ago, and now I'm typing it. So, enjoy. ^^**

Gil stared down at the young girl in front of him. As usual, he was angry at that child. Running around the town, taking people's meat, asking them if any of their objects were edible. Sure, Alice had lost all of her memories, but to him that wasn't an excuse. He never liked the girl anyways, so it gave him an opportunity to let out that anger that had built up inside of him.

"You stupid rabbit! What do you think you're doing? You can't just run off all of a sudden like that!" Gil shouted at the girl. He had taken her to an alleyway, he didn't need any of the villagers attention, nor did he need them wondering why in the world he referred to the chain as a "rabbit."

Alice looked away stubbornly, shutting her eyes. "It's not my fault there's nothing to eat.." she muttered. Almost in a sad way. Gil cursed under his breath, then began to yell again. "Then wait! Quit running off and causing trouble for everyone!" He yelled even louder. To his shock, Alice flinched slightly at those words. Her eyes, which were still shut, were then covered by her bangs as she looked down. Gil stared at the girl questionably.

"Why.." Alice began. "Why do you hate me so much..?" The way she said it was nearly inaudible, and had little to no emotion in her voice, as if she was trying to shut off every feeling that was burning up inside of her. Gil's eyes widened at her words. "What do you.." He started, but was cut off.

"Why is it! Tell me!" she replied. She looked up at him. Her voice was full of such pain, such deep, agonizing pain. Her bright amethyst irises which were normally full of life, happiness, & that sly look, we're exactly the same as the time she had cried in front of Oz. So sad, so hard to stare into.

"Is it because I'm a chain? Because I'm close to Oz? Why! I've never done anything wrong to you.. yet always.. you're always so cruel to me Gil.." Gil was shocked at those words. Mainly how she used his name, despite all the times she referred to the man as "Seaweed Head."

"So.. tell me why.. I hate this.. I don't even know if I'm human or not.." Alice trailed off, desperately fighting tears. She didn't need him to see her like this.. no one did.

"St-.. Alice.." he corrected himself, using her name just like his. But it's not like Alice didn't catch it.

And with that, the girl fled the scene, her long, dark locks and braids flying behind her. Gil stared at her, immobilized in his place, trying to block out all of these fluttering and painful feelings entering his body.

**I don't know if I should continue this, and it's probably OCC too. D: I'm in love with Pandora Hearts, but I've only watched it twice, so I'm not too sure how all the characters are. I always imagined Alice one day just breaking and wondering why he was so mean to her. I'll accept any criticism, I probably need it too. ;3; Should I make a chapter 2? **


	2. Tower of Memories

**Hi c: So I originally wrote out this chapter in my Study Hall today, but then I forgot to bring my notebook home. D: I fail. ;_; So I'm gonna try to rewrite anything that I remember. [x**

Chapter 2: Tower of Memories.

Alice ran as quickly away from Gil and the alleyway as her feet could take her. She didn't stop, not even for a second. She was scared if she stopped that the tears would come down harder, that more sad thoughts would enter her mind.

Most importantly, she was scared that if she stopped Gil would catch up to her.

_Ha.. yeah right.. He's probably not even coming after me.. but if he is.. _Alice thought. She picked up the pace, trying to piece together in her head his expression when he was cruel to her with his words, trying to figure out if there really was something hidden in between them. Unfortunately, now wasn't the best time to do that. Alice's eyes were shut as she flew through who knows where, her breathing becoming more ragged and her body craving to stop. The young girl realized quickly that she needed to stop, she got pretty far from the scene anyways. However, she stopped a bit to abrutly, and ended up falling on her knees, her tears staining her bright red cheeks.

Her thoughts were straighter now, she was able to sort out and think a bit more clearly as she panted on the ground. _I see.. if Gil was to go after me he would've caught up long ago, wouldn't he have? He isn't coming after me, no one is. _Her heart began to sting. She couldn't quite piece together why exactly he hated her. Her best guess was how she had made a contract with his "beloved master," but to her, that was a bad excuse. _If I hadn't done that Oz probably would've never gotten out of the Abyss! I practically saved his master and I get this from him! Why does it even matter to me...? _Her emotions kept piling up on her, enclosing her until the child realized something alarmingly funny.

This wasn't a new feeling.

She could feel it. She'd felt something like this before, a hurt & curious emotion mixed together. She'd felt the confusion of wondering why someone could hate her. Before she could attempt to come up with a conclusion, Alice was lost inside a dark memory.

You see, Alice had ran right where the old Baskerville tower that once confined her once stood.

The one she'd been killed in.

Gilbert was standing in the alleyway, watching as Alice ran away at her

best speed. He knew he should go after her, but his mind was still in shock, not running correctly. He could've been in a forest fire and he probably wouldn't have noticed.

As Gil slowly came back to his senses, it seemes like the thousands of questions that he was holding back came rushing into his head. _What was all that about? Why did she just run away like a little kid? Why does she care if I'm mean to her, she is too, isn't she? How come it even affects her this much? Why do I feel so guilty and hurt about this.. shut up! I shouldn't, she's just a chain, she's not even a human.. _As that thought came up in his head, Alice's words repeated themselves inside of him.

_I don't even know if I'm human or not.._

The way she sounded was so different then the Alice he thought he knew. Her voice was so fragile, so breakable. Her face was brushed over red from the embarrassment of all of this. It was a new side of Alice that he hadn't seen. He began to feel some pity for her..

_NO! _He told himself. _She's a chain, nothing more. It'll be her fault when that seal is complete and Oz is brought back into the Abyss. I'll never forgive her for that. No matter how human-like she seems, it doesn't matter! She's a creature, a thing Gil, NOTHING MORE._

Gil sighed at his thoughts. He knew in a way that even if this girl was a chain, her humane qualities were always showing. It didn't make sense. Gil sighed, deciding that since she isn't in B-Rabbit form, she must have SOME feelings, and he'd obviously been hurting her. He took off in the direction of Alice to go find her.

Gil ran around the town, searching for her. She wasn't too hard to spot;

A child with long, burnette hair and two braids, with her bangs pulled back so in front they looked in a way like cat's ears – Gil trembled at that thought – wearing a checkered red and white cape with a big bow in the middle, followed by that short little skort and big white boots. It must've been a while, because he noticed the sun go down. He realized he was near the area where Alice had regained that memory of her running towards that mysterious Jack. Gil looked around, and saw something peculiar in the distance? Something brown and red.

_It must be Alice!_ He thought. He ran towards the object, and shouted out her name "Alice!"

When he got a good look at her, he stopped.

She was sitting in the middle of the grass, in a small fetal position. Her chin was in her knees, and you couldn't see her mouth. Her eyes. It was worse then when she was crying. They were wide open, but didnt seem to be seeing much. Her expression was coated with just pure fear, confusion, maybe even some trauma. She was vigorously trembling.

Gil stared at her, then called to her again.

"... Alice?"

**Cliffhangerr. :D Not a very good one ;-; I think this is better then the rough draft I made at school c:. I'll probably update the next chapter sometime before Monday. Please R&R!**


	3. Imagine This

**Chapter 3! c:! I kinda dont' feel very motivated to finish this 'cuz it has like 2 reviews ._. I'm not a review begger but gahh. :x **

Chapter 3: Imagine This.

Gil couldn't take his eyes off of Alice. The way she was sitting, the way she was

looked, how much she was trembling. _Was this all caused because of me? _He thought. He quickly shook that aside. No girl, especially Alice, would react this way to something like this. He sighed lightly, then took a step forward, calling out to her once more.

"Alice?"

She didn't move.

He walked closer to her, maybe a foot away from the girl, he called out to her again?

"Alice, can you hear me?"

She still stood there, without any sign of getting up again.

Gil bent down and got on his knees, looking into her eyes which were staring mindlessly at nothing. She'd probably yell at him for this, but he had to try it.

He flicked her on the forehead. Hard.

Alice blinked, life flashing in her eyes, and looked up at the culprit. When she realized it was just seaweed head, she looked down, not ready to face him.

Gil groaned slightly, then began to speak to her.

"Alice.. I didn't know you were so.. hurt by how I was cruel to you and I-, well needless to say I didn't think it'd result in this.." He said, chuckling humorously and lazily scratching the back of his head. He started at her, waiting for a reaction. After a minute or so, Alice scoffed, and stood up. Then she began to walk away.

"Hey! You stu-Alice! Where are you going?"

"You don't know anything about me!"

Gil blinked at her words. Alice turned her head around to glare at him. His eyes widended. Her eyes were so.. cold. If looks could kill Gil would've been long dead.

"Alice.. what's gotten-" He started, but was cut off.

"Just shut up! You're exactly the same as your brother!" She shot back. Again, Gil was left dumbfounded, he just stood there, mouth gaped open and looking back at the girl who was talking nonsense.

Alice turned around, then spoke in a quieter tone. "Hey.. Gil.." she said, her voice lost of all emotion. "Have you ever seen a dead person?"

Gil's eyes widened even more. _What's gotten into her! Why is she speaking like this? _Before, he could respond, Alice spoke again.

"Have you ever seen someone just lying on the ground, all of their hair sprawled out. Their bangs fallen back from falling down. And their eyes. Have you ever seen them dead with their eyes open? You've seen people stare at you with lifeless eyes, but you've never stared into true dead eyes, have you? Or seen their last tears stream down their bloodstained cheeks have you?"

Gil continued to listen to her. He was completely out of it. What had made her think all of this?

"Most importantly.. the person that had killed them.. did he even have a reason to kill her? Or to hate her?"

Gil blinked again. He quickly noticed how she was now describing this as "her." None of this was making sense. Had Alice possibly gotten back one of her memories? Did she have to see someone die? He decided to ask her.

"Alice.. who did you see die?"

She didn't reply.

She stood still there, for a few mintues. Before letting out a few chuckles. A smile formed on her lips.

"No one you care about."

With that, she walked away, leaving Gil standing there, trying once again to figure out who she could've seen die. It had to be someone precious to her? Jack? It's possible, but she referred to the person as her. Did Alice even have any friends that were girls when she was little? He heard she was always so lonely.

Gil's eyes widened in realization, and he was next to tremble.

"Could the person she was die be her?"

**I don't know if I like this chapter. :x The next chapter might be the last, if not then chapter 5 will be. C: Also, I don't know if in the manga Alice regains this memory somehow, I'm still in Chapter 40 something. So if it doesn't happen this way or anything then I'm sorry. D: Please R&R :3**


	4. Dancing In The Massacre

**Ah. D: It's been a while since I updated. Sorry. ;_; Well it's about 9PM and I'm sick with a cold, so this may not be the best chapter, but it is gonna be kinda brutal. But first I wanna give a thanks to my reviewers! :3 **

**-AkuRoku Lover**

**-MakenshiCrona**

**-Rubicon 9 Of Hearts {I went back in Reatraces 60 – 64 (They finally made the new one :D) & I don't recall her mentioning that memory, but it does say that Oz wants to talk to her about what he saw at the Cheshire cat's dimension, which is of course, that memory.}**

**-Aku no tenshi**

**-shiruri-chan {I finished the series back in about July I think. C:}**

**Okay, now on to the story! 8D!**

**Chapter 4: Dancing in the Massacre**

Alice walked away from the scene, pondering to herself whether or not she

gave Gil the right kind of hints or not. She sighed to herself, figuring even someone like him could easily figure out what she had meant by her choice of words.

She slightly began to pick up her pace, scared that Gil would question her about it and ask her for more details on that memory. Alice shuddered, and had to stop, her whole body trembling just from bringing up that memory. The girl fell to the ground, shaking vigorously, as the memory began to replay in her mind once more.

**Alice's POV.**

I felt that damn memory sink back into me. I cursed to myself a number of times for even thinking about that. I couldn't stop it from starting itself over again. I had to force myself to watch my own death.

The memory came to me first in a blur, and then clearing up. There I was, sitting there on the ground while holding a precious doll in my hands. I felt some kind of sadness, as if I wished the doll was something, or someone, else. *I could sense so much fear building up inside me, as if I had just seen something terrible, something traumatizing that couldn't leave my head, something I wanted to forget..

My thought were interrupted when I heard footsteps, and I could feel my emotionless expression perk up into a smile. I stood up, clearly excited, then shouted with much enthusiasm, "JACK!"

I was in for a rude awakening.

I heard laughter, that cruel, maniacal laughter you would normally only hear in those horror movies. I knew it all too well. It was Vincent.

He came up to my room, smirking with a playful look in his discolored eyes. How I despised it, that one golden eye and one red eye staring into my helpless lavender ones. I glared at him, obviously disappointed and very upset. "Leave me alone Vincent! Just get out of here."

Vincent's smirk grew, as he walked closer to me. I stopped near the middle of the room, as did he.

"Ah, Alice. You're such a nuisance. To me, to Glen, and even to Jack! I think, if he survives, he'll feel like a burden's been lifted after I've done this." My eyes widened, and I felt my body shaking even more. He smiled so wide that I could see both rows of his teeth, his eyes glinting at me with delight.

I didn't notice that one hand was behind his back.

Before I could further react, I felt something piercing my neck. Tears began to form in my eyes, as I looked down at my neck.

A large gash made with scissors was sliced into my neck.

I screamed, loud, trying to get away from him. Instead, I felt the scissors gash deeper into me. My eyes were still wide opened, and still filled with tears, when I felt myself take a last breath and collapse to the ground.

This time, I was watching the memory from my own point of view. Instead of being & feeling everything in my body from the memory, I was simply now seeing it from myself in the present time.

Besides, I couldn't be anything if I was dead.

The sight was brutal. There was blood spilling from around me, and it greatly stained my white and blue dress I had been wearing. My bangs had fallen aback from the fall, and my long chestnut locks were spread out over the checkered floor. My bright, violet eyes we're now cleansed of any life that once was in them. If you looked close enough, you could see tears slightly drying up down my cheeks. My face was losing color by the second.

All Vincent did was stand there and laugh. All he did for the longest time was laugh madly, before he finally dropped the scissors near my corpse, and ran out of the room.

When I was withdrawn from the memory, I found myself sobbing. The tears wouldn't stop, I didn't want them to stop. I just needed to cry here. Alone. That's all I would ever be. I'm simply a girl who fears loneliness because she's faced it so much. Now it's time to live in my fears, and finally accept them.

At least, I thought it was before I felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me close to something unfamiliar. Unfamiliar, yet so welcoming.

**Hmmm.. I wonder who would run up to Alice and hold her at a time like this? e.e Well if you didn't notice the little * I put, I'm gonna clarify that point in case you didn't understand why Alice had felt that way.**

**In Episode 14 of the anime, it shows Oz walking through the Tragedy of Sabrie, where there were endless dead bodies laying there, and the place was filled with the stench of blood. Oz points out how this is a dimension of Alice's memories, so all of this Alice saw. I interpreted that after Alice saw all of this, she ran back to her little tower to get away from the mess, and shortly after she was killed by Vincent (Which, as far as I know, isn't yet confirmed, but it's my best guess.) **

**I think the next chapter will be the last one? I dunno yet, there isn't too much else left to add in this story.. xD**

**Please R&R!**


	5. The Rabbit Finds Her Way

**Hi guyss c: Okie so this is the last chapter. ;_; I don't really have many other ideas to do, and I don't want this story to drag on with pointless plots I might try to conjure So here it is, the last chapter 8D! Thanks to all my reviewers once again. 6 reviews, it's a new record! :DD **

**-AkuRoku Lover**

**-MakenshiCrona**

**-Rubicon 9 Of Hearts**

**-Aku no tenshi**

**-shiruri-chan**

**-MakenshiCrona {I just realized that you were also my second reviewer; I like didn't read the username or something when I read your review ;A;}**

**Anywayss, onto the chapter! :3**

**Chapter 5: The Rabbit Finds Her Way.**

**Gil's POV.**

I knew it would be simply wrong and cruel to just stand here and watch Alice walk away while acting like that, but I needed to set some things straight before I even thought of confronting her. If I didn't at least get a small grasp of what kind of memory she had seen, then my attempt to fix this huge mess would all be in vain.

I sighed, running a hand through my bangs. The way she had described everything with such accurate detail, all those painful words she had said.. it's not impossible that Alice had been dragged into a memory of her own death. A shiver was sent down my spine as the horrible truth crept up on me, slowly absorbing me into the true horror and pain she was facing.

She was completely right; I had never seen someone die, but I know if I had, I'd without a doubt have a complete break down. If I had to watch MYSELF die, I'd probably need to get a tight hold on sanity before I dared speak to anyone, which is what Alice might be doing.

_She's facing this alone._

Those 4 words suddenly ran through my head. Alice, the blood-stained black rabbit who had been alone for so long in the Abyss, the one who's now walking away from me, dealing with something like this kind of horror all by herself. Does she think that this is right, that she needs to face something like this alone? I shook off that thought. Right now, it doesn't matter to me what Alice THINKS is right, I know for a fact what I need to do.

I quickly ran after her.

I was much taller then her, and obviously quicker, so I knew it wouldn't be long before I caught up to her, and I was right. After a minute or so passed I heard sobbing. It wasn't just the kind of cries you hear when you stub your toe, it was the kind that can make your own heart thump loudly, and feel almost immediate pity and sorrow for whoever's voice that cry belongs to.

I ran a few more feet before I spotted Alice kneeling on the ground. Her hands were covering her eyes, and were most likely also a failed attempt to cover her tears. Her face was flustered from the tears, although she was faced at a diagonal angle, so I couldn't see all of her. Her hair was sprawled on the bright green grass. She gave no sign that her tears would stop.

In a weird, twisted way, she was almost beautiful.

I didn't call out to her, I was too scared too. Scared that she'd run away again, that she'd cry even more. Instead, I bent down behind her, and gingerly wrapped my arms around her petite body. She was warm.

I pulled her close to me, and carefully rested my head against her back. I had a feeling that this wouldn't last very long, and soon she'd snap back in her personality and kick me away or call me a seaweed head and make me swear never to touch her again. Instead, I noticed her cries become slightly lighter as she adjusted to my touch.

I noticed her trying to turn her head back while she lightly whispered "W-who.. Gil..?" her voice slightly breaking in her words. I held her just a tad bit tighter, not wanting to lose this girl I had in my arms.

"Alice.. I know we've never been on the best terms. I know I've mistreated you for quite a long time now, but I never knew it would have this affect on you.." I began. I knew I couldn't take a break now, or what I said would be misinterpreted. "I also know that.. you've seen something terrifying, something traumatizing. A memory that was best forgotten." She stiffened a little bit under bringing that up. "But realize this, Alice, don't run away from these problems anymore!" I gently snapped at her. I removed my arms from her waist and turned her around to face me. "You don't need to hide these kind of things from me, from Oz, from anyone! Don't you get it you stupid rabbit, you're not alone anymore!" I shouted at her. Her eyes widened even more, and she began to tremble a bit under my touch. I bit my lip, hoping I wasn't too harsh on the child. She bent her head down, then asked me in a nearly inaudible whisper,

"Gil.. do you really mean that..?"

I smiled lightly, then gently took her chin in my hands and brought her head up to look at me. Her eyes had tears already forming, and the heat was slowly building up on her face as I stared back into her.

"You're never going to be alone again, I promise."

With that, Alice gritted her teeth slightly, as the tears on her eyes built up more, then finally she tackled me into a hug and began to cry even more, soaking my shirt with her tears. I held her tightly against me, wondering how much pain she had to have been hiding for it to get this bad. It didn't matter anymore, because now she was in my arms, letting all of that pain flow out her shining orchid colored eyes. I smiled even more, burying my head into her shoulder and neck, knowing that Alice knew.

I'll never let her feel alone again.

**Theree we go. :D And now this extremely short 5 chapter story is finished..xD I guess this story was kinda an advantage to test out this writer I'm using (Somehow I got installed on here, which creates document files that are the most recommended on fanfiction, :33) & to test out my writing as well. Now I know what mistakes I'm making, what I should look for, etc. Thanks again to everyone who took time to read and review this story! It really means a lot to me since, like I said, this is my first real chapter story on this website. I might be doing more pairings for this anime, and I'm definitely (when I get the chance) gonna try to write some Amuto fanfictions (Sorry, but for that anime I only write and live for Amuto & Rimahiko. Admit it you Amuto fans, most of you would never have made it past episode 5 of Shugo Chara if Ikuto wasn't in it.) **

**I really hoped anyone who read this enjoyed this story. I noticed I made quite a few errors in my chapters (sometimes I'd type like "me" instead of "my" and I wouldn't catch it cuz autocorrect thinks I meant to type that when I'm really like "D: nooo ;_;")**

**LOOL long ending Author's Note. xDD Sorry. ;A; **

**Please R&R! C:**


	6. Author's Note

**HIGUISE. C: So this isn't a chapter. This story ended a while ago actually.. I just wanted to clear something up about one of the chapters.**

**I know that I put in the chapter that Alice was killed by the scissors piercing her neck, but then I rewatched that scene in the anime, and the more I look at it, I don't think that's very accurate tbh.. in the picture it looks more like she took the stab to the heart.**

**I know that's a REALLY stupid thing to point out, especially now, but I feel bad for possibly getting it wrong. Then again, I could've been right from the start, but in case I'm wrong, here I am, correcting myself.**

**ONTHEBRIGHTSIDE: I'm actually updating my stories. 8D If you want, check out my other story that I'm gonna be updating in a few minutes. ;~; Thank you guys, too, for all the supportive reviews on this story. C:**

**-Lexx.**


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